Debby, Part I

I've been contemplating writing this blog for several months now, but keep putting it off because I know that it will be one of the most emotionally draining things I've ever done. Ironically, though, my hope is to communicate one of the most beautiful events I've ever witnessed--the death of my sister-in-law, Debby. Death being beautiful? I know it can seem hard to imagine, but the last week of her life, as she eagerly anticipated the end of her earthly suffering and her entrance into God's Heavenly Kingdom was definitely beautiful.

Because of the extreme length of this blog entry, I've decided to break it into 3 parts. The first part will just give an overview of Debby's health problems, with particular attention on the 2-3 months leading up to the last week of her life. Part 2 will focus on my theological and personal questions/struggles regarding current medical technology, and life and death decisions. Part 3 will focus on the last week of Debby's life. I hope to have parts 2 and 3 completed and posted within the next week.

Debby had suffered from Muscular Dystrophy for 35 years. The last year or so was extremely difficult as she knew she was only months away from needing to go on a trach vent in order to continue living. Debby desperately did not want to go on a ventilator, and, I believe, was hoping that she really wouldn't even have to make that decision either way. But, in April of this year, she was taken to the ER because of breathing difficulties. The doctors quickly determined that her lungs needed to be drained, and they prepped the family for the fact that just going through the procedure would be so hard on her body that she would need to go on a ventilator. By the grace of God, Debby came through that procedure just fine. But, just days later, she needed to go on a ventilator, and soon thereafter, a trach ventilator.

Because of the permanancy of the trach vent, Debby was soon moved to an acute care facility that specializes in patients who are on ventilators. Debby, who has battled depression most of her adult life, was at one of the lowest points of her life. Not only had she reached the point where absolutely everything needed to be done for her, she also had to face the reality that she would not be going home. The rest of her time on this earth would be spent in a hospital or a nursing home. Debby just wanted to be taken off of the ventilator so that she could die, but it was obvious to all of us that her desire to die was fueled by anger--at her family, at her doctors and nurses, and especially, at God.

By the grace of God, Debby was assigned to a caseworker who was really able to connect with Debby. In just a few short days, Barb had Debby weaned off of the ventilator--something none of us thought was possible. While she still had oxygen hooked up to her trach to assist her breathing, she was able to breath on her own. We had been trying to find a nursing home that would take Debby, but her physical needs were too great for any of them to be able to care for her properly. In-home care would have bankrupted the whole family. But, with her off of the ventilator, we had hope that we might be able to find a nursing home to take her. Despite this huge step, Debby was still severely depressed.

After remaining off of the ventilator for about 3 weeks, Debby suddenly took a turn for the worse and needed to go back onto the ventilator. Within days, Debby talked with her daughters and told them that she wanted to be taken off of the ventilator and be made comfortable until she died. Her daughters communicated her wishes to the family, and the entire family agreed to support her decision.

While this overview of Debby's medical condition seems lengthy, I've actually ommitted several details and have opted to stick with general descriptions. For a more detailed accounting of Debby's last few months, please visit my husband's website at www.suffering.net. He posted almost daily updates on Debby's condition.